Rethinking Cult Exit Strategies in the Face of Psychopathy

Renee Spencer
Jul 2
5 min read

A girl in a red cloak faces a suited wolf-man in a dark forest. The sky is an eerie red, creating a tense atmosphere.

So, I’ve been stepping into the spotlight lately, sharing what it’s like to be a parent who has watched their child get pulled into a cult. It’s not the life path I imagined for myself—no one dreams of becoming an “accidental activist” in the world of cult awareness—but here we are.

And if you’re reading this, you might be here too.

Today I want to offer a critique—not an attack, but a considered addition—to the standard guidance given to parents like me. If you’ve ever Googled “how to help a loved one leave a cult,” you’ve likely come across Steven Hassan’s work, especially his book Combating Cult Mind Control. Hassan is a former member of the Unification Church, now a respected exit counsellor and educator, and his work has undoubtedly helped many. His core message is this: stay connected, don’t confront, plant seeds of doubt gently, and give it time. And he's not the only one. This is the standard life line given to parents.

This is wise, compassionate advice—and sometimes, it works. I don’t want to undermine the value of that. But I do want to talk about situations where it doesn’t work. Where something darker is at play. Where you're not just dealing with a misguided group or a narcissistic leader with delusions of grandeur—but with something more cold-blooded.

I’m talking about psychopathy—and the Dark Triad. I tipped my toes into the water of this topic in my last blog but I now want to dive right in and really explore the significance of this.

The Dark Triad: A Quick Overview

The Dark Triad is a term used in psychology to describe three overlapping but distinct personality traits that tend to show up together in manipulative, exploitative individuals:

Narcissism – Grandiosity, entitlement, and a hunger for admiration.
Machiavellianism – Calculated, strategic manipulation with no concern for morality.
Psychopathy – Lack of empathy, remorse, or emotional depth; shallow affect and impulsivity.

While all cult leaders are broadly considered narcissistic (they have to believe in their own authority a lot to do what they do), not all narcissists are psychopaths. But all psychopaths have narcissism built into their psychological makeup. They simply lack the emotional capacity that makes human connection meaningful—and that makes them incredibly dangerous.

One of the leading experts on psychopathy, Dr. Robert Hare, explains this in his book Without Conscience (1999). He warns that when we try to teach empathy to people with psychopathic traits, it can backfire. They don’t develop empathy—they just learn what it’s supposed to look like. Then they use that knowledge to better mimic human connection and manipulate people more effectively. It’s not therapy—it’s training a predator to hunt more efficiently.

Let that sink in. These individuals aren’t clueless or unaware—they’re highly calculating. They observe what works, mimic it, and then weaponise it.

When Standard Advice Fails in the Face of Cult Psychopathy

So, let’s bring this back to the world of cults. When faced with a cult leader who have psychopathy standard advice don't cut the mustard.

The "stay connected and plant seeds of doubt" approach can be very effective when the leader your loved one is following is, say, a deluded idealist or a narcissistic charmer who believes his own hype. But what if the leader is strategically devoid of emotion? What if they’re mimicking kindness, appearing calm, or playing “humble” not because they are, but because they know it gets them results?

That’s where my personal story comes in.

I can’t diagnose my daughter’s cult leader—let me be clear about that. But I have suspicions. The more I’ve interacted with him, the more I’ve observed behaviours that align eerily well with psychopathic traits. He presents as detached, almost disturbingly calm, even when confronted. He’s slippery—not charismatic, not loud, but weirdly invisible. And I’ve noticed something else: he’s studied cults. He makes little comments like, “We’re not loonies like those cults,” or claims he’s not a charismatic leader, as if to inoculate himself from criticism.

Here’s the twist—I agree. He’s not charismatic. I actually find him deeply off-putting. But then I wondered: What if that’s the point? What if, having studied other cult leaders, he deliberately avoids being too shiny or magnetic? What if he’s dodging detection by appearing bland and passive, so no one sees the manipulation coming?

That kind of calculated image management fits neatly into the Dark Triad profile—especially psychopathy and Machiavellianism. It’s the opposite of delusional—it’s deliberate. He may not be the kind of cult leader who rants in tongues or calls himself the Messiah. But sometimes the real danger isn’t flamboyant. Sometimes it’s cool, quiet, and calculating.

Psychopaths Read Books Too

And here’s the elephant in the room: cult leaders can read Hassan’s book too.

If they’re smart—and many are—they’ll be well aware of what parents and therapists are being told to do. Stay connected. Be gentle. Avoid confrontation. If you were a manipulative leader looking to retain control, wouldn’t you prepare for that? Wouldn’t you coach your members to reinterpret those “planted seeds of doubt” as tests of faith? Wouldn’t you teach them to see compassion as weakness?

A full-blown Dark Triad cult leader will see your compassion coming a mile off—and use it against you.

In my case, the Hassan approach didn’t work. I know of other families where it hasn’t worked either. That’s not a failure of compassion. It’s a mismatch of strategy to situation. When you’re dealing with someone who lacks empathy entirely, who views human vulnerability as opportunity, you need to reassess the whole game plan.

Where Do We Go From Here?

This is where things get hard. Because—let’s be honest—there is no neat, tidy solution to psychopathy. The research is bleak. There’s no cure. Therapy tends to make them more dangerous. And unless they commit a crime, they usually don’t end up in jail. So how do you protect your loved one from someone like this?

Honestly? I don’t have a definitive answer. But I do think we need to start talking about this more openly. We need to stop treating all cult leaders as if they’re all the same shape, cut from the same cloth. The cloth may be the same, their playbook the same, but the hardcore psychopathic cult leaders are a horse of a different colour (I hope that mixture of metaphors works 🙄.) Compassion-based exit strategies are incredibly valuable—but they’re not a one-size-fits-all. And when we apply them uncritically, we may be walking straight into a trap.

Sometimes love and empathy aren’t enough. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is recognise the nature of the predator we’re dealing with—and adjust accordingly.

We need to bring the Dark Triad out of the academic journals and into the real-world conversations parents, therapists, and educators are having. We need to stop whispering about psychopathy and start facing it head-on.

Because some people aren’t misguided—they’re dangerous. And until we’re willing to acknowledge that, we risk leaving victims unprotected in the hands of those who know exactly what we’re trying to do… and how to twist it to their advantage.

If you’ve experienced something similar or want to share your thoughts on navigating cultic control under these extreme circumstances, I’d love to hear from you. These conversations are difficult—but they’re necessary. And together, we can build better awareness, better strategies, and, ultimately, better protections.

The Dark Triad: A Quick Overview

When Standard Advice Fails in the Face of Cult Psychopathy

Psychopaths Read Books Too

Where Do We Go From Here?

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